Torah View on Homosexuality

“Va’Yivra Elohim et ha’Adam b’Tzalmo, b’Tzelem Elohim bara oto… – And God created Adam in God’s image, in the image of God created him…” (Breishit 2:27)

“Lo tikom, v’lo titor et bnei amecha, v’ahavta l’rei’echa kamocha, ani hashem – You shall not take vengeance, or bear a grudge against your countrymen. Love your fellow as yourself: I am the Lord.” (Vayikra 18:19)

These verses prohibit the most immoral form of behavior known to mankind: the treatment of some people by other people as inferior, second-class, or having fewer rights within the community. This manifests itself in people being ridiculed, discriminated against, excommunicated, and ostracized in their own communities.

The verses above command us to recognize that God created every person in a godly image. We are each unique and special, but what makes us different should be celebrated, not criticized.

When the issue of homosexuals in the Jewish community is raised, many people quickly point to Lev. 18:22 as an easy way to solve the ‘problem’: “personae non gratae, the Torah says that if you cannot change you are an abomination.” The common error people make (aside from a questionably Jewish translation of the word toeva) is to consider homosexuals themselves as being spoken against by the Torah.

The Torah speaks about acts, not people. And many of the acts that the Torah describes  are what we call bein adam l’makom – between people and God.

I cannot imagine the theological struggle a homosexual Orthodox Jew has when they read that verse in the Torah. That is a personal struggle they must each go through, and address in their own way. They may seek a Rabbi’s advice, they may see a psychiatrist for counseling, or they may find comfort in the supportive company of friends and family.

What is of supreme importance is guaranteeing the acceptance and welcoming of homosexual Jews in the Orthodox community. Like any other person who is not living a life in complete observance or compliance with every law in the Torah, we do not demand secrecy and denial in the community.

If we demand that homosexuals in the Orthodox community remain closeted to all but their rabbi, we are asking for a a host of terrible consequences. At best there will be very awkward conversations about dating. At worst we have cases of depression, broken and dishonest marriages, suicidal thoughts and suicidal actions rachmanah litzlan.

We need to create a safe environment for homosexual Jewish in the Orthodox community. This is an unquestionable case of pikuach nefesh.

It is unclear what has caused so many people in our community to not see this reality. Some have suggested that homophobia is rampant in our community, but I have to believe that these are well-intentioned people. Perhaps living in America has led to excessive influence from Right-Wing Christian groups that believe homosexuality is an illness in need of a cure. It is not their fault for being corrupted, but it is our challenge to shed the light on this misconception.

It is not going to be simple, but we must make every effort possible to create an LGBT-safe Jewish community. We will face much opposition on this front, and may be called many disparaging and hateful names. We need to remember the Torah commandment of kol Yisrael Arevim ze ba’ze – all of Israel is bound to one another. We cannot sit by idly while our brothers and sisters are attacked and ostracized.

Through all of this, we must be honest with ourselves, and with Hakadosh Baruch Hu, regardless of communal pressure, considerations or consequences.

Women’s Rights and Religion

There was a great Kristof article in the Sunday Times about the impact religious inequality of the genders has on the overall oppression of women in the world. When women are denied the ability to participate equally in religious ceremonies and rituals, it contributes to the overall perception that women are secondary or inferior to men, and therefore have fewer rights.

While Judaism gets off pretty easy, there is an accurate and much needed reference in the article to the prayer Orthodox Jewish men say each morning: “sh’lo asani isha” – “that I wasn’t created a woman.”

That blessing is only one striking example of many where women are not treated or considered equal in Orthodox Judaism. In most Orthodox synagogues/communities: women cannot be ordained as Rabbis, cannot lead prayer services for a mixed crowd, cannot chant from the Torah, are discouraged from donning Tallit and Tefillin, and are significantly segregated for many religious and communal activities.

I understand the halachik necessity of gradual progress, and I’m not calling for an end to the distinction between men and women in Jewish life. Men and women are different, and it’s not unreasonable for there to be some ritual differences. But for the life of me, I can’t understand why the idea of a woman serving as Synagogue President is controversial in most Orthodox communities.

While Orthodox Judaism is miles ahead of the violent and oppressive acts against women that can be found in some places around the world, that’s not a standard Jews should be holding themselves to. As a moral and ethical people, we need to work harder to create equality of the genders.

This does not mean that women should immediately begin practicing Judaism in the same way that men do.

The focus needs to be on empowering and allowing women to be spiritual and organizational leaders in the Jewish community. There is not much demand among Orthodox women (to my knowledge) to start wearing Tefillin. The demand is to be given the opportunity to directly influence the direction of the Jewish community as leaders.

There are some amazing efforts out there such as Yeshivat Mahara”t to create a Rabbinic-type ordination for Orthodox women.  We should applaud such well-intended and well-planned initiatives to allow women to pursue Jewish leadership and involvement. Less controversial efforts to allow women to assume leadership positions in notorious boy’s club Jewish organizations would be a nice start.

Unlike the halachik problems of homosexuality, it’s hard to point to a pasuk and justify the different treatment of men and women. Our tradition refers to women as the property of their husbands/fathers, and our legal system (to this day!) allows men to punish their ex-wives  by turning them into Agunot. Let’s create a new tradition that places women in leadership roles, and create a reputation for ourselves as a gender equal religion.

Whatever the text of the siddur may be, hopefully men and women alike can have the following in mind: “sh’asani kirtzono” – “that I was created according to His will.”

My Favorite Books of 2009

I think it’s time for a non-controversial post. It’s been important for me to write about serious things that bother me in the world, but in the spirit of new year I’m going to share with you the books I enjoyed the most in 2009.

I read some of them on my kindle, and listened to some on my iPhone. I bought some of the copies through Amazon, and got others through Yeshiva’s inter-library loan. But however I found them, the books were moving, interesting and inspirational.

So here they are (in no particular order):

A Confederacy of Dunces – This is a great novel by a young author – undiscovered until after his suicide – named John Kennedy Toole. We follow the crazy life of flatulent, disgusting and verbally abusive Ignatius J. Reilly and his cohort of wackos. It’s a very funny novel that is so quirky and unique that you won’t want to put it down. Thanks to Nava from my book club for this recommendation.

Omnivores Dilemma – If you like the idea of being scared to go grocery shopping or open your refrigerator, this is the book for you. Michael Pollan explores the impact 20th century food engineering has had on the food we put into our bodies. Finding out the sheer amount of corn that goes into our bodies through various channels was mind-blowing. This was my inspiration to stop drinking fructose-based drinks (soda, snapple, fake juices etc), and has caused me to rethink what I eat and the impact it has on my health. I have plans to check out his two recent books “In Defense of Food” and “Food Rules: An Eater’s Manual.” This one came from Rena – also in my book club.

Push – This was the most intense book I have read in the long time. Sapphire delivers the story of a young girl in Harlem who is overweight, undereducated, twice pregnant by her father at the age of 14, and both physically and sexually abused by her mother. It was made into a movie this past year which is how I heard about the book, and it really drove home the work that needs to be done to protect children in America. As a Social Worker, and as a caring human being, this book really moved me.

Outliers – Yet another great book from Malcolm Gladwell. His writing style is consistent and the topics he covers are always interesting. I listened to this on my iPhone, and it was like an awesome 7-hour podcast. He talks about how 10,000 hours of practice is needed to become an expert at anything, how Chinese children learn how to do math earlier, and how hockey players born in January will always have an advantage. I plan on reading “What the Dog Saw” at some point soon.

Sirens of Titan – I have really loved Vonnegut every since I read “Cat’s Cradle.” This is definitely one of the classics, and I just thought it was a very cool story about space travel, time travel and the true value of life. If you’re not crazy about sci-fi, but can handle something that defies the law of science as we know them, you might like this.

I Will Teach You To Be Rich – I read this book in one day, and it was definitely worth the time and the $11. Ramit Sethi has written the perfect book for young people to learn about personal finance and expenses. He covers all of the basics, and explains it in a super simple and straightforward manner – and he includes some great tips that even non-novices will find helpful. I know a good amount already, but I still learned plenty. Every college grad should be given this book.

Survivor: A Novel – This was my first Chuck Palahniuk novel, and it was just fast and fun and clever. It was a pure pleasure read that explored some weird ideas and even weirder people. It definitely made me interested in reading some more stuff by this guy.

On tap for next year are a few books recommended by my book club, and a couple of others I got through the NYTimes Book Review. Those include (but are not limited to): Under the Dome, Portnoy’s Complaint, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, The 4-Hour Workweek: Expanded and Updated, and Bonfire of the Vanities.

If you want to follow what I’m reading (the good with the bad) checkout my online library on Shelfari.

What books did you like this past year?

Be Neither Seen Nor Heard

I spent the last three days vacationing in Newport, Ri with my wife Adina. One of the major winter attractions are three of the dozen mansions built by late 19th-century millionaires. The Breakers, the Elms and Marble House are estates that would rival anything you could find on MTV’s Cribs, and these were “Summer Cottages” used only 2-3 months per year.

One of the remarkable things about these buildings is the structural and architectural efforts that were taken to keep the servants (at least 30 per home) away from the residents and their guests. In the Breakers, special hallways were created for the servants to refill closets with clean clothing without having to enter the bedrooms themselves. The staff in these homes were meant to be as invisible as humanly possible.

This practice of silencing people continues today. We see it with groups that are deemed unwanted or not important enough to be able to express themselves. This is something that happens in every country, every city and every community. There is always someone trying to keep someone else quiet. Unfortunately, the Jewish community is no different.

The Jewish community has tried to pretend certain things didn’t exist within its confines. Brooklyn Rabbis molest children with little consequence because the community leadership is unwilling to bring in secular authorities. It took many years for domestic abuse cases to be dealt with in the Orthodox community. Today, we have homosexual Orthodox Jews who do not have an entirely safe environment in which to be open and honest about who they are. There has been an effort to keep people from publicly expressing themselves as individuals, and to vilify those who do as activists aimed at bringing down Torah Judaism and its values.

Thankfully, the 21st century is nothing like the 19th century. We don’t have the same limitations in our free society that allowed people to be suppressed and ignored for centuries. The infrastructure we operate within is called the Internet. It is designed to allow for equality and openness of personal and communal expression. It’s our opportunity to jump through the formality, and engage directly with the Lord of the Manor.

Despite the efforts that are taken to silence people wherever they are, whoever they are and whatever their cause may be, they are not the servants in this new world. They will not be silenced.

Be seen; be heard.

An Open letter:

I owe anyone who reads this blog an apology. it is with extreme humiliation that I removed the text of this post a few minutes ago.

my opinions have not changed. I am sorry.

A New Thanksgiving Reality

As I begin to think about packing for our thanksgiving trip to see my parents, I’m looking at the books and games we’re bringing and I am unsure. What’s this thanksgiving going to be like anyway? For the first time in as long as I can remember, thanksgiving won’t be celebrated at my aunt’s house in Pittsburgh.

The reasons for the change are unimportant, but it makes me think about the significance of time and space in interpersonal relationships.

I know that thanksgiving will be wonderful at my parents house, but there was something about pulling up the hill in the crisp cool weather that evoked a wonderful nostalgia. Sitting in the livingroom with no plans for the rest of the day was a rite and tradition as strong and meaningful as turkey and football.

Change is good and necessary. Those who live to recreate the past never really live. Our purpose as humans is to infuse life with meaning, and sometimes that means making significant changes to what has happened before.

New traditions and nostalgiac feelings will develop around this new thanksgiving tradition. The positive memories of the past will never disappear, but be enhanced by their connection to the present and future.

What will this thansgiving be like? It will be different.

Reflections on the JFNA (UJC) General Assembly

I spend a good part of last week in Washington D.C. at the Jewish Federations of North American (formerly the United Jewish Communities) General Assembly. This gathering of over 3000 Jews from across North America, and the world, is an amazing experience of the diversity and eclectic nature of the Jewish people.

I think that all Jews, from time to time, think that they are the “average” or “normal” type of Jew. We often forget that there are so many other types of Jews out there, and that so many of them are living very connected Jewish lives. It’s important to have experiences like these with different types of Jews in order to break that feeling of homogeneity.

I had the opportunity over the course of the program to participate in a session run by and for a group of young and passion Jewish Social Entrepreneurs. I was sitting at a table with an active and involved Jewish atheist, two representatives from Keshet (working towards the full inclusion of LGBT Jews in Jewish life) and other types of Jews I rarely have the honor to connect with. As one of the few Orthodox Jews in the room, I was as unique as everyone else – I felt a strong sense of achdut in that moment of plurality.

There is often a misnomer in the Orthodox community that we are the only keepers of the Torah, and that the other denominations mostly consist of lazy or apathetic Jews. In reality, there are so many passionate and educated Jews out there in the world that we are simply ignorant about. We need to break out of our shell, and appreciate the diversity and richness of the Jewish people today.

As a kehilla we need to continue to strive for more of these experiences that bring us together as Jews. We will all benefit from knowing more about eachother, learning from one another, and bonding closer together in our peoplehood.

I look forward to building upon my GA experience at Limmud NY 2010 – will I see you there?

The Jewish “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell”

A friend recently sent me links to a newspaper article and a blog post about the need for greater acceptance and welcoming to homosexual Orthodox Jews within the Modern Orthodox community.

Rabbi Hyim Shafner wrote on Morethodoxy about the distinction between halachot that are moral, and halachot that are simply rules. We generally would not consider someone who doesn’t keep Kosher a bad person – they are simply a sinful person.

We need not worry that welcoming homosexual Jews into our community means we have no moral compass and tomorrow we will welcome adults who commit sexual acts with children (which is not actually one of the sexual sins in the torah) or brothers and sisters who want to marry.

An article published in the YU Commentator anonymously made three specific and reasonable requests from the Yeshiva University community:

1. For the Rabbis to “recognize our existence, and to take a proactive role in organizing open discussion of the issue of homosexuality.”
2. Break the taboo of homosexuality by cultivating an “atmosphere of acceptance and open discussion.”
3. To form a Gay-Straight Alliance on campus to promote an environment that will be comfortable and accepting of gay students.

It’s been too long that homosexuality remains a taboo only within the Orthodox community. We need to stop denying the reality of a significant minority of our community, and strive to be accepting and open to these Jews.

The gay Jew is not living an immoral life. We as a community need to openly discuss how to find an understanding of the Torah’s attitude on homosexual intercourse, but the welcoming of openly gay individuals should not be delayed until that is achieved.

We need to make our synagogues and schools safe places for gay Jews to associate themselves, and exercise the beautiful values of community, unity and togetherness that we have otherwise valued so greatly.

Read Rabbi Shafner’s article here: Is the Torah Moral?

Read the Commentator article here: The Gay Question

The Judges of your Times

There has been some interesting debate in the comments about the evolving nature of halacha. I wrote a dvar torah two years ago on this subject (for Parashat Shoftim), and I would love to share it with you.

The one-line summary is that the Torah instructs us to consult judges from our own generation who are able to interpret and understand the unique needs of our time.

Check it out for yourself:

“Parashat Shoftim: What do I do?” (Care of: Eimatimes.com)

Halloween and the Jews

Should Halloween be taboo in the Jewish community as a whole, and the Orthodox community in particular?

In my mind there is one simple answer: No.

In the spirit of full disclosure, I did grow up trick-or-treating (in groups with other Jewish kids). It was a really great thing to get excited about in the abyss between the High Holidays and Chanukah. But to be clear, I was NOT celebrating Halloween. I was participating in the American ritual of dressing up on the night of October 31, and begging for candy at the front door of my neighbors (or the richer community we would sometimes drive to).

Trick-or-treating on Halloween has a very interesting history – at least according to Wikipedia – but the form it has taken on today is completely secular. There is not religious connection to the current manifestation of Halloween, and children of all races, religions, and ethnicities participate in this beautiful example of America as the mixing bowl.

Halloween is no more or less antithetical to Judaism than Thanksgiving, the 4th of July and New Year’s Eve. Some in the Orthodox Jewish community  avoid those last three as well, but we’re not them. Why has this fear of trick-or-treating persisted over so many years?

Was it antisemitic acts that may have taken place during a time when Halloween was also know for mischief and pranks? Perhaps. Was it a general perception of the holiday as being a celebration of the devil? Perhaps that was it as well. Regardless of these outdated reasons, why can’t we just let the kids have fun?

I am not advocating that Jewish schools start having Halloween costume parades or other themed events, but as a community I think we should allow Jewish children to just have fun like everyone else!

Happy Halloween!